all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
