i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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