I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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