Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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