I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
