I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
