Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
