i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize