That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
