She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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