i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
