i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
