It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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