Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
