We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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