I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
