I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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