I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
