I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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