her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
