you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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