Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
