just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize