So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize