we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
