it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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