Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
