Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
