I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
