My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
