He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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