D3 body, D1 cock
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
