Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
