4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Someone shit on the floor
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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