nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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