The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
