rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We're too hungover to prance.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
