My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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