I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
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Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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