Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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