He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
