Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
