My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
