WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
