I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
