My friends, they love my intelligence
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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