I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
