You just made me feel so damn special
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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