no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My balls are so social today.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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