i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
