You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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