This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
