Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
