Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
