my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
