The maid of honor just puked.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ttyl tear gas
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
