I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
