He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
