roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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