Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
