I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
