dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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