Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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