South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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